Fragmented

Everytime I start to write, I just realize that I have a long way to go with all my reminiscences. I am overflowing with memories of the past that I think there wouldn’t be enough room for anything else in my head unless I am able to put all these memories into writing. I want my thoughts to be safely transferred to another database aside from my own head because I now feel like I am one heavily fragmented drive that needs a total disk cleanup. I know I just need to make a space for other things in my life but when I finally get the urge to write I end up disheartened by the possibility that I may only draw enough set of ears to hear my stories, but none of those may necessarily be his. And there might be few pairs of eyes that can read this right now… but my soul’s thirst remains impossible to quench because those of whom this is written for remain blind.

So why do I need to write? What do I write about if telling about the past entails a lot of work and may not prove to be a palatable fair to you who reads this blog now? My answer is simple – this blog exists because I would like him to find me here. .. Not now perhaps, but someday.

When he finds me here, I want him to be able to keep track of my thoughts again. I want him to view every single time frame that my soul goes through since the last time we saw each other. I want him to be able to read my stories so that when one day I no longer come to this place, he wouldn’t think of very shallow reasons for my absence.

I don’t want him to feel lonely just like how I feel every single moment I think of him. I don’t want him to regard the mornings as a force that draws us a day farther from the last moment that we were in each other’s arms like I do now. I want his soul to not feel desolated. I want him to know that I will always be waiting for him somehow…someday.. somewhere!

I pray that his soul’s inherent aptitude lures him to my pages. And when he gets here… he will make me sense his presence in a manner that he has always been good at.

This is for you, my love! … as I have always promised you in my silence.