Published as "Swan Loch" by LusobrandaneWhat do you want me to do now, my love? How much blood in my tears do you want to see before you stop hurting me?What have I done that made you punish me in this manner? Why did you make me love you so much so that in the end, you would just desert me?
Now all I am doing is talking to my pages just to release these emotions in me. I am talking here as though I am expecting these pages to read themselves and actually do something for me just to ease this pain that I am feeling now. I am talking here as though you would be listening and you would be doing everything just to let me know that you are there and that you still love me as you have always said to me.
Do you know that I refuse to believe that you have left me? I do not want to accept the fact that you no longer would listen to my soul's language. And I do not want to know that you no longer care about how I feel. I refuse ... but I could feel the sting of reality
Whenever you called me lately, I would be dying to really pick up and listen to your voice. But I couldn't bear the thought of you angry at me for reasons I did not and still don't understand, so I opted to just put my phone on a mute mode and stared at it and cried bitter tears till I saw the batteries die down. When it started to go off again while I was doing something, tears just instantly flowed down my cheeks for I knew I could just tolerate as far as my ringtone and not your angry voice. When you had to send me those messages, I had no choice but to let him read it for me. and I felt more pain when I heard your words out loud from his lips. They were the words of a total stranger.- someone I never knew and loved. They couldn't be ones coming from you, so, I opted to think.
My soulmate has died. And every single day I cry and ask the skies why my man was taken away from me when all I had was him to make my soul happy. He was every reason why I liked listening to all the songs in my ipod. He was the language that all together expressed the soul that is in me. Because of him, my soul danced to rhythms inaudible to everyone else but me. Now all that he is, is a ghost that has returned to haunt me in the harshest way.
The happiness that I have felt while he was there for me, is something that is very difficult to explain. I can have everything I need now but without him, I am not thoroughly happy. I am very happy to have even just a little taste of him, if it is given that really couldn't be mine. He is the only one who can make my heart beat so wildly underneath my ribcage and nobody has ever made me feel exactly this way. .. He might be trying, but so far, he doesn't come as close :o(
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